Miami 's 28th King Mango Strut Parade, Sunday, Dec 27th in Coconut Grove : Miami IMC

CAUTION: No one and nothing is safe from parody and satire at the King Mango Strut. Proceed at your own risk.

With no retractable roof on this parade and no parking garages needed to be built, just bring your lawn chair and get ready to laugh. The King Mango carbon footprint is zero tolerance for boredom. Even the SEC has endorsed the use of funds for the express purpose of satirizing the use of public funds for events like this. What a country! Neither rain, nor sleet, nor smut, nor threat of slime will keep the rogue Mangoheads from their appointed duty to bring laughter and merriment through King Mango's Public Option Plan to our beleaguered humor challenged City.

This year's Grand Marshal is James 'Jimbo' Luznar, from the world's famous Jimbo's Place on Virginia Key, feted by a panel of distinguished bureaucrats to be South Florida's #1 eyesore.

As creative as we are, we can't possibly make this stuff up but we promise to showcase and skewer so many of those unforgettable stories from the last year of this uh-oh decade:
* See Miami politicians.... finally 'get' the perp walk right!
* Get your no-show job at Angel Gonzalez's Employment Agency
* Spin the Wheel of Healthcare
* Get chosen to die by the Strut's Death Panel
* Go Rogue with Sarah Palin and the Palinistas
* Wonder how an arcane obscure sexual act takes on a new significance in the street with the Teabaggers
* Run for cover! US National Parks have the right to arm bears
* Barbie gets her AARP Membership Card and Ken's accessory kit includes Viagra
* Not-so-sunny days at Sesame Street dealing with life at 40
* Michelle Obama defends her right to bare arms
* Expect more of Tiger's women to come out of the Woods-work
* Check out the mudfight in Coconut Grove's new reality show "Whose Strut is it Anyway?"

And if that wasn't enough to want to put this decade behind us: Balloon Boy, Levi Johnston, OctoMom, Jon & Kate, Lady Gaga, Birthers, Priests Gone Wild and the Cash for Clunkers.

Expect to see the usual Strut suspects: The Hare Krishnas, the Marching Freds, Coconut Grove Juggling Exchange, the Progressive New Orleans Funeral Band, the Mocko Jumbi, the Little Miss Mangoes, former Miss Mangoes and dethroned Miss Mangoes.

The Pre-Parade activities begin at 1pm at the corner of Commodore Plaza and Main Highway with Grand Master C, Buzz Fleischman, from WLRN’s ‘South Florida Arts Beat' Radio Buzz hosting the Little Miss Mango Pageant (for kids 4-10). Carrie Prejean will coach contestants in the interview portion of the competition. This highly competitive pageant will be a tough one for the judges, especially Judge Perez-Hilton, and everyone is expected to win. The winners will ride the first float of the Strut.

All parade-goers should arrive early this year to go right through security checkpoints. No need to worry if you are on the guest list. The former White House Secret Service Guards will wave you through. Any unruly parade-goer will be required to do community service by driving with entertainer Chris Brown.

Parade begins at 2pm. The parade route begins at the corner of Commodore Plaza and Main Highway. It turns left onto Main Highway and turns left onto Grand Avenue at CocoWalk and back to Commodore Plaza. If we are having too much fun, we will go around again until we all fall down. After the Parade, the streets will remain closed and the King Mango Music Massacre begins. All the bands in the parade will continue playing until the festivities end at 6pm.

All this entertainment is free (cheaper than a therapist) and open to the public. There is plenty of parking (http://www.kingmangostrut.org/parkingmap.htm) along or near the parade route at CocoWalk, Mayfair, Coconut Grove Playhouse on Main Highway and Charles Avenue, St. Stephens Episcopal Church, Coconut Grove Elementary School, the City garage at Oak Avenue and Mary Street, and the City garage next to the Sonesta Hotel.

If you don't want to drive (who can blame you,) take the Metrorail to the Coconut Grove Station. (http://www.miamidade.gov/transit/metrorailstations.asp) There will be shuttle buses (the Coconut Grove Circulator) picking up eager parade-goers every 15 minutes at the station and dropping them 1 block from the parade route. (http://www.miamidade.gov/transit/images/pdfs/routes/249.pdf)

For additional information call: 305. 401.1171
e-mail: abaldwin@insomnic.net